A False Hope

A False Hope…
A poem about finite infinity…
By: Julian Corvinus Javier
Date: October 5, 2011 @ 7:19PM GMT +8

I guess it’s now over…
… if not near end…
I’m again mindful and sober…
From this day of ecstasy…
…drunk with pseudo infinite power…
… if not near end…
It’s almost over…

 

I am dead if not dying…
Within myself hardly breathing…
Clarity decimating…
Within myself sanity’s grip is losing…

 

Must have energy…
Must gain more sanity…
From the fumes of insanity…
… that slowly corrupts me…

 

Take my life…
And give me your overflowing vitality…
Your sought for finite infinity…

 

Take my heart…
Just bring me happiness…
Lift me up from this overwhelming sadness…

 

Take my soul…
And bring me soundness…
Take me away from this forlorn madness…

 

Set to forget…
What false power has set…
Within self doubt I am again beset…
My life caught amidst insanity’s net…

 

Transient power depleting…
Slowly fleeting…
Slowly fading…
Into thin air dissipating…
All is but a lucid dream…
A dance with the devil both deadly and fulfilling…

 

My death fast approaching me…
The Red Raven awaits me…

 

The Raven awaits me...


 

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Post Murum Insania

Post Murum Insania (Behind the Walls of Madness)
My First Latin Poem…
By: Julian Corvinus Javier
Date: September 19, 2011 @ 12:57PM GMT +8

Original Latin:
Post murum insania…
I manantem cruore fluens lente…
Pugnare enim mens sana…
Virtus infinita versus obiectum immobilis…
Chaos sparsa…
Cum fractis animis…
Cum fractis cordis…
Pulsans ad ostium mortis…
Est somnium inaccessus…
Post murum insania…

 

Translated English:
Behind the walls of madness…
My blood drips flowing slowly…
Fighting for my sanity…
An unstoppable force crashing towards an immovable object…
Chaos scatters…
With broken minds…
With broken hearts…
Knocking on death’s doorway…
Unreachable is the dream…
Behind the walls of madness…

 

Madness

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Allow Me

Allow Me…
Give Me Your Hand…
By: Julian Javier
Date: August 18, 2011 @ 7:00AM GMT +8
 

Give me your hand…
Let me take you…
Let me walk with you…
… and make footprints in the sand with you …

 

Give me your hand…
Let me take you…
Let me walk with you…
… to a special place made just for me and you …

 

Feel my heart…
Feel my frailty…

 

Feel my soul…
Feel my serenity…

 

Feel my love…
Feel my sincerity…

 

Run, jump, and fly high with me…
Let loose your fears!
Travel with me across galaxies…
Let loose your fears!
I’m with you and you’re with me…

 

Amidst my darkness, see my speck of light…
Let me make you smile…
Let me teach you how to fly…
So, give me your hand…
… and let me hold it tight…

 

Against all hardships…
Let us both stand tall…
Allow me and let me catch you when you fall…

 

Give Me Your Hand...


 

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Perfect For You

Perfect for you…
Will you let me try to be the man perfect for you?
By: Julian Javier
Date: May 18, 2011 @ 2:01AM GMT +8
 

Bread will not fill me…
Water will not quench me…
Even my cigarettes will not understand me…
For only you can complete me…

 

From the moment your eyes met mine…
I said to myself “Oh God, I wish you’re mine”…
Even in the darkness you shine…
Bringing colors to this black and white heart of mine…

 

I long for that alluring glimmer…
found only from your beautiful eyes…
I long for your lovely smile…
that is as gorgeous as the sunrise…

 

I long for the gentleness and softness…
found only from your luscious lips…
I long for the warm breathing sensation…
found only from your nostrils..

 

I want to feel your smoothness…
from your hands of divine beauty…
I want to feel your frailty…
and the warmth from your body…

 

Every day I think of you…
Every night I dream of you…
Every time I close my eyes I see you…
Like your smile has been etched on my mind like a tattoo…

 

I’ll never stop thinking…
I’ll never stop longing…
I’ll never stop dreaming…
Of you, only for you…

 

To me you are perfect and my heart knows it’s true…
I want to show you love that is true…
Not in vain nor for granted… unlike what others had done to you…
Will you let me try to be the perfect man for you?

 

Here I am writing my heart out with all my passion…
With prayers that my ink will someday catch your attention…
Maybe someday in your mind my name will be a mention…
Feel my heart in my words written with a loving fashion…

 

To me you are perfect and I knows it’s true…
I want to try and be the perfect man for you…

 

Perfect... Just like the Cherry Blossom...


 

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Chronicle of a Suicide

Chronicle of a Suicide
A fool’s suicide chronicle…
By: Julian Javier
Date: May 11, 2011 @ 8:52PM GMT +8
 

[The Fool]
Deprive me of light and of hope.
Now, come and give me a nice rope.
knot it into a noose.
make sure it’s not lose.
take a pick.
get a brick.
tie it on the other end.
say my last words before my life will end.
now get the brick and throw.
to the river located down below.

 

***woosh!***

 

[The Fool]
whoa!

 

[The Clock]
…1,2,3…

 

***SPLASH!***

 

[The Fool]
Wow, I’m sinking so fast and i’m choking.
My neck giving my lungs difficulty in breathing.
Finally, I’m dying.
It’s the end of my life’s long suffering.
I had a tough life never had a chance to be great.
I broke my parents’ hearts.
I lost half the part of my heart.
It’s all my fault anyway, so fuck it.
I wish I had a chance to change things but had no luck at it.

 

[The Invisible Guardian]
YOU HAVE A CHANCE BUT YOU THREW IT AWAY JUST NOW!

 

[The Fool]
what? huh? who was that voice?
Oh no, did i make a mistake???


wait! I’m dying!
NO! wait, somebody help me!
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

 

***everything went black***

 

[The Warden]
Ah! Fresh Meat!
*laughs sinisterly*

 

*the fool awakes*

 

[The Fool]
where am I? it’s so hot in here that i’m burning!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

 

[The Warden]
You’re in the plains of hell. in front of you are its gates.

 

[The Fool]
What the? hell?

 

[The Warden]
come with me!
*laughs sinisterly*
*drags the fool by the neck*

 

[The Fool]
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME GO!!! I DON’T WANT THIS!

 

[The Warden]
BUT YOU’RE ALREADY IN IT!!!
*throws the Fool into the river of the dead*
DIE you foolish man! oh, wait… i forgot, you cannot die here!
*laughs sinisterly*

 

[The Narrator]
And so The Fool deceived by his own ignorance suffered eternally…
He thought he could escape with death from reality…
Forever he burned wishing to die intently…
But sadly, he doesn’t… for his suffering is eternal and unending…
He exchanged his life that he thought was suffering for even more suffering…
Beyond redemption… Beyond Healing…
The man suffered amidst the land of tormenting…

 

Ending Haiku recited as the scene ends:

 

“The river carries…
Wails from the souls of the damned…
Eternal torment…”

 

Let's learn how to knot a noose! =)

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Your Kiss

Your Kiss
A Tanka Poem about a lover’s kiss
By: Julian Javier
Date: April 12, 2011 @ 2:34PM GMT+8

Like a summer breeze…
Your kiss gently touched my heart…
Hot and cool at once…
A kiss that my soul longed for…
Giving me deep contentment…

"flowers bloomed in my heart and soul when we kissed..."

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My Heart…

My Heart…
By: Julian Javier A.K.A. The Cyber Mushroom
Date: December 9, 2010 @ 4:33PM

I never thought that I’d feel so happy thinking about someone before…
I never thought that I’d feel this ecstatic remembering someone’s smile before…
I never thought that I’d feel so excited hearing from someone before…

My heart in love like struck in the bull’s eye with a dart…
Is killing me softly part by part…
Bleeding slowly my loving heart…
As i think of you and how we’re apart…

You have brought light back to the void in my eyes…
And life back to the death in my eyes…
By your smile made me realize the truth that my life is a living lie…

Thinking of you…
Dreaming of you…
And no one else but you…
You and only you…

I know that I shouldn’t think much about you…
I know that I shouldn’t dream much about you…
But I really am so much into you and I really so much love you…

If you give me a chance to prove true the words in all my poems for you…
I’m sure to prove it to you that my heart is only for you…
That I wanna live a long life with you…
That I wanna share moments of joy and laughter with you…
As well as, moments of sadness and tears with you…
And if you would love me too and allow me to…
I also wanna make a family and have children with you…
I wanna spend my lifetime loving and caring for you
Like what i always told you…
You got me from the very first time I saw you…
Ever since that day my heart longs only for you…
And never has a day passed by that i never thought of you…

I know it sounds too good to be true…
It’s up to you if you’ll find me false or true…
I’ll respect whatever outcome this ends to…

Whether in pain and despair…
Or the good aftermath of having to live with you ever after…

One thing’s for sure…

For me, this might be the last time…
That I’ll give love another chance…
The last time that I’ll give my heart to anyone…
Because for the most part…
Love has only played with my heart…
After this, anything left will be none…
I don’t care if there’ll be none…
For I am happy that you are the guilty one…
Of the crime of stealing my heart, my one and only one…

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