The Light Amidst My Darkness

The Light Amidst My Darkness
The Light that keeps Me from the Madness…
By: Julian Javier
Date: August 12, 2011 @ 11:08AM GMT +8

My Light


 

What’s wrong?
Nothing’s wrong…

 

I am just… all alone…
Is it not enough that I am just on my own?

 

What’s wrong?
Nothing’s wrong…

 

I just have been alone…
… for far too long…
… that my sanity has almost gone…

 

The darkness inside of me…
… has so succumbed me…
It has consumed almost every last bit of…
… almost every last part of me…

 

Except for this small speck of light…
… that which I keep hidden…
… amidst all the darkness in me…

 

Why hide it?
Can you show it to me? No!
Can’t you trust me? No!

 

Better have it small and kept hidden…
than let it flourish, shown to all…
then have it cheated and stolen…
… by the vultures of society…

 

I’ll just keep it here…
Amidst all the darkness that surrounds me…
So, it can’t escape me… that it won’t escape me…

 

Alone…
Just alone…
Content on my own…

 

with only this small speck of light…
… that keeps me from avarice and all madness…
this small speck of light…
… kept hidden…
… that will remain hidden…
… amidst this darkness…

 

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The Undying

The Undying
Seeing through the eyes of the Immortal Observer
By: Julian Javier
Date: May 13, 2011 @ 9:27AM GMT +8
 

The Immortal


 

Immortal.
That’s what they call me.
The exiled; The unknown…

 

Walking past men through the centuries.
Friendship, Love, and Compassion.
Rivalry, Hate, and Anger.
Loss of Hope and Death.
Honor and Resolve.
Liberty and Justice.
Pride, Injustice, and Prejudice.
The difference between Transparency and Hypocrisy.

 

Greed… Man’s thirst to take from another.
Murder… Men conspiring to kill another.
War… Man’s Blood Lust and Hunger for more Power.

 

Walking amidst this earth for more than a thousand years.
My eyes has witnessed them all.
Seeing my loved ones while they were still young.
Until they grow old and leave this earth.
Now, i had no more tears to shed.
In the end, I am all alone.
Watching over men as they destroy one another.
Watching earth bleed slowly is kind of depressing.
They fear that which they do not know.
And go to war blinded by their false hopes.
A never ending cycle of love and war.
A never ending desire to destroy and rebuild.
A never ending cycle of pride, honor, horror, suffering, and shame.
Trying to accomplish what they do not understand.
A violently unending cycle.
I pity them as I pity myself.
We are no different from one another.
We are just the same shameless beings.
Making a mockery of principles and ideals.
Spitting to honor’s face.

 

I am the Immortal, the undying, the exiled, the unknown…
Seeing men shame themselves using honor as a facade
has turned my heart to steel.
Without feeling, without remorse.
No more tears, no more fears.

 

I will continue on watching these men.
As they walk the plank towards extinction.
Alone.
Watching over from a distance.

 

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The Disdained Child

The Disdained Child
The Child of Jealousy and Hate
By: Julian Javier
Date: May 12, 2011 @ 10:47PM GMT +8
 

I hate you… I hate them… I hate the world…

 

Sick and tired…
Empty and dried…

 

A child born of jealousy that became hate…
A bastard that carries a another’s namesake…
One who grew up with everyone’s hate…
The disturbed one hated for his namesake…
The one born of a different mother…
The one born of a different father…

 

The unwanted… The black sheep…
The scape goat.. The misjudged…

 

I am angry…
So called siblings hate me…
So called family doesn’t like me…
So called friends always betray me…
So called lovers derogate me…

 

for all i know, they all want me dead…
for all i know, they all want a platter set with my head…
for all i know, they want to spread my ground guts on a bread…
feed it to dogs which are stray bred…
and wash their hands with my blood that’s crimson red…

 

fuck it! i don’t care and I won’t argue…
I won’t argue though I immensely hate them too…
I want to strangle them all too till they turn blue…
and massacre them all intently and violently like a rampaging grue…

 

But i won’t do that…
I can’t do that…
How could i possibly do that…
Their my loved ones, it’s a fact, and i hate that…

 

Though I hated…

 

Before i hated…
I tried to love…
Even if I hated…
I still loved…
Though i hated…
I just need to be loved…
Though i hated…
I am just looking for your love…

 

Why can’t they give me something so simple?
To give love to a brother and family member of their own flesh and blood…
Why can’t they give me something so trivial?
To give love to this friend and lover called me…

 

Just accept me for who i am that’s all i have asked…
For in your hate all my life i had basked…
For all this time i have seen through you who is masked…
Be with me and accept me, is that too much ask?

 

Now my mind is split in two…
One says to keep on hating you…
One says to keep on loving you…
My mind is in chaos because of what you showed me and do…

 

You don’t understand me…
You try to control me…
You stab me behind my back and disdain me…
You can’t even simply respect me being me…

 

I hate you… i hate them…
i hate myself too… i hate the the world and what you all do…

 

I am the unaccepted, the unwanted
I am the hate child…

 

Why? I know.
Because you think our mother loved me more than she did you.
Because you think my father fathered me better than your father who fathered you.
Because you think our father loved me more than he did you.
Because you think my mother mothered me better than your mother who mothered you.
Because you think I’m better than you and you can’t accept it.
Because you can’t stand that I have become a man.
Or maybe because you are just that childish.

 

You’re wrong from what I see.
You’re spiteful mind is clouded with envy.
They all loved us equally.
You just refused to see.
No one is better than others.
That’s how they see us, our mothers and our fathers.

 

Though I do some things better than you…
It doesn’t mean that I am better than you…
I have my specialties and you have yours too…

 

I loved you though you hated me.
I respected you though you always have belittled me.

 

Don’t worry I don’t hate you completely for what you did to me.
I just hate you that much, so don’t misunderstand me.
Don’t worry I understand you completely.
This hate I feel for thee is nothing compared to the love and respect that I show thee.
It’s not a ruse you see.
Though I hate thee I still love thee.

 

It’s hard to understand i know.
Let’s reconcile when we meet in hell down below.

 

Losing Grip

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Desolate

Desolate
A Chōka Poem of Turmoil
By: Julian Javier
Date: April 22, 2011 @ 4:28PM GMT +8
 

Numbing cold shivers…
Dark and vengeful miasma…

 

Dead and desolate…
Exiled to be unknown…

 

Succumbed by madness…
People lead to pure turmoil…

 

Wails of the harassed…
Cries of depressing lament…
Bellowing noise of torture…

 

Death and Desolation...

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Armageddonism

Armageddonism
Ideology of Chaos, Discord, and Malice; A Path to Self-Destruction
By: Julian Javier
Date: April 21, 2011 @ 4:35AM GMT +8
 

Graft and corruption…
Money for wars instead of children’s education…
The weak and the poor always subject to oppression…
A message brought by the emissaries of destruction disguised to cause dissension…

 

Democracy and justice cast into oblivion…
Bloodshed due to indifference, false belief, and religion…
The unjust conducting the symphony of destruction…
Omnicide using weapons of mass destruction…

 

Chaos, anarchy, and democide…
Love and understanding cast aside…
Worldwide turmoil, panic, and depression side by side…
Fear, hate, anger, the desire to kill, and suffering all inside!

 

Innate human greed and blood lust…
Gossip, betrayal, and mistrust…
A sea of blood creeping on the surface of earth’s crust…
To kill a brother is a must!

 

A desire to destroy and rebuild burns…
Moral lessons in each of the events that no one learns…
A never ending cycle of war and peace taking turns…
Armageddon as the prophets have discerned…

 

A world covered in blood, flames, and darkness…
Where everyone is consumed by power and madness…
Where the just are depressed with grief and sadness…
A wonderful world of Chaos, Discord, and Malice…

 

Satan is sitting pretty in his throne and he’s smiling…
Thinking…

 

All ye have been blindly faithful and loyal to me.
So, I shall reward all of thee!
Never ending pain and suffering that you wish awaits thee!
Bwahahahahahahaha!!! (Sinister Evil Laugh)

 

"We are so excite of Armageddon! We love to see destruction! hahaha"

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