Fallen

Fallen
A Tragic Story…
By: Julian Corvinus Javier
Date: October 24, 2011 @ 4:53PM GMT +8
 

Stricken down smitten…
A soul torn to utter ruin…

 

Kicked out to rejection…
Never again to find redemption…

 

Betrayed but marked as the betrayer…
Condemned to be damned forever…

 

Cast out to chaos…
Banished to be lost…

 

Exiled to pure darkness…
Destined to be devoured by the crazed madness…

 

Never again to find peace…
Forever never ever to be at ease…

 

Hauling too heavy a burden…
Amidst the plains of torment…

 

With limbs crippled and broken…
Struggling to stand back up and walk again…
With wings black and broken…
Striving to be able to fly again…

 

Always hoping and constantly praying…
That it’s all but a dream that’s slowly fleeting…
To soon wake up with black wings spread wide through the skies soaring…
Glimpses of light and hope inkling while slowly dissipating…

 

With life unending yet inside slowly dying…
Bound to the land of the living…
Amidst pain, turmoil, and constant suffering…
Hoping and praying for a saviour that’s never coming…

 

The Fallen


 

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The Light Amidst My Darkness

The Light Amidst My Darkness
The Light that keeps Me from the Madness…
By: Julian Javier
Date: August 12, 2011 @ 11:08AM GMT +8

My Light


 

What’s wrong?
Nothing’s wrong…

 

I am just… all alone…
Is it not enough that I am just on my own?

 

What’s wrong?
Nothing’s wrong…

 

I just have been alone…
… for far too long…
… that my sanity has almost gone…

 

The darkness inside of me…
… has so succumbed me…
It has consumed almost every last bit of…
… almost every last part of me…

 

Except for this small speck of light…
… that which I keep hidden…
… amidst all the darkness in me…

 

Why hide it?
Can you show it to me? No!
Can’t you trust me? No!

 

Better have it small and kept hidden…
than let it flourish, shown to all…
then have it cheated and stolen…
… by the vultures of society…

 

I’ll just keep it here…
Amidst all the darkness that surrounds me…
So, it can’t escape me… that it won’t escape me…

 

Alone…
Just alone…
Content on my own…

 

with only this small speck of light…
… that keeps me from avarice and all madness…
this small speck of light…
… kept hidden…
… that will remain hidden…
… amidst this darkness…

 

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The Exile

The Exile
Thoughts in Chaos
By: Julian Javier
Date: June 2, 2011 @ 9:45PM GMT +8

Thoughts…
All in chaos…
Focus…
Into confusion lost…

 

Unable to find his center…
In his conscience, light fails to enter…
Darkness beginning to conquer…
His reason starts to falter…

 

Cast into oblivion…
Exiled beyond redemption…
Forced into a life of seclusion…
A life of abnegation…

 

Abhorred and rejected…
Putrid and polluted…
Lost and distorted…
Crazed and demented…

 

His heart suffering forever in constant agony…
The exiled one walks the earth alone for all eternity…
His mind in constant chaos; absent of all harmony…
Crossing the plains of insanity…

 

The Exile


 

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One Who Makes You Smile

One Who Makes You Smile
I hope someday you’ll let me…
By: Julian Javier
Date: May 21, 2011 @ 2:44AM GMT +8
 

The Night Sky


 

As I lay alone in my bed gazing at the stars tonight…
I remember how your smile shines like starlight…
As pretty as the stars in the sky shining so bright…
In these dark, cold, and lonely nights…

 

I’d do anything in my power to see that wonderful smile…
Write you poems, even swim the length of the River Nile…
Oh how I wish I was the camera in your mobile…
So, I could capture your smile and always make you smile…

 

I wanna be the man who makes you laugh…
Never the man who makes you frown and makes you sad…
Never the man who breaks your heart and makes you cry…
I wanna be the man who makes you smile…

 

Will you let me be the man who makes you smile?

 

I hope someday you’ll let me…

 

I hope you are not just another dream to me…
I hope you are my future, my destiny…

 

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The Disdained Child

The Disdained Child
The Child of Jealousy and Hate
By: Julian Javier
Date: May 12, 2011 @ 10:47PM GMT +8
 

I hate you… I hate them… I hate the world…

 

Sick and tired…
Empty and dried…

 

A child born of jealousy that became hate…
A bastard that carries a another’s namesake…
One who grew up with everyone’s hate…
The disturbed one hated for his namesake…
The one born of a different mother…
The one born of a different father…

 

The unwanted… The black sheep…
The scape goat.. The misjudged…

 

I am angry…
So called siblings hate me…
So called family doesn’t like me…
So called friends always betray me…
So called lovers derogate me…

 

for all i know, they all want me dead…
for all i know, they all want a platter set with my head…
for all i know, they want to spread my ground guts on a bread…
feed it to dogs which are stray bred…
and wash their hands with my blood that’s crimson red…

 

fuck it! i don’t care and I won’t argue…
I won’t argue though I immensely hate them too…
I want to strangle them all too till they turn blue…
and massacre them all intently and violently like a rampaging grue…

 

But i won’t do that…
I can’t do that…
How could i possibly do that…
Their my loved ones, it’s a fact, and i hate that…

 

Though I hated…

 

Before i hated…
I tried to love…
Even if I hated…
I still loved…
Though i hated…
I just need to be loved…
Though i hated…
I am just looking for your love…

 

Why can’t they give me something so simple?
To give love to a brother and family member of their own flesh and blood…
Why can’t they give me something so trivial?
To give love to this friend and lover called me…

 

Just accept me for who i am that’s all i have asked…
For in your hate all my life i had basked…
For all this time i have seen through you who is masked…
Be with me and accept me, is that too much ask?

 

Now my mind is split in two…
One says to keep on hating you…
One says to keep on loving you…
My mind is in chaos because of what you showed me and do…

 

You don’t understand me…
You try to control me…
You stab me behind my back and disdain me…
You can’t even simply respect me being me…

 

I hate you… i hate them…
i hate myself too… i hate the the world and what you all do…

 

I am the unaccepted, the unwanted
I am the hate child…

 

Why? I know.
Because you think our mother loved me more than she did you.
Because you think my father fathered me better than your father who fathered you.
Because you think our father loved me more than he did you.
Because you think my mother mothered me better than your mother who mothered you.
Because you think I’m better than you and you can’t accept it.
Because you can’t stand that I have become a man.
Or maybe because you are just that childish.

 

You’re wrong from what I see.
You’re spiteful mind is clouded with envy.
They all loved us equally.
You just refused to see.
No one is better than others.
That’s how they see us, our mothers and our fathers.

 

Though I do some things better than you…
It doesn’t mean that I am better than you…
I have my specialties and you have yours too…

 

I loved you though you hated me.
I respected you though you always have belittled me.

 

Don’t worry I don’t hate you completely for what you did to me.
I just hate you that much, so don’t misunderstand me.
Don’t worry I understand you completely.
This hate I feel for thee is nothing compared to the love and respect that I show thee.
It’s not a ruse you see.
Though I hate thee I still love thee.

 

It’s hard to understand i know.
Let’s reconcile when we meet in hell down below.

 

Losing Grip

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A Walk Under City Lights

A Walk Under City Lights
Summer Strolling Sentiments
By: Julian Javier
Date: April 17, 2011 @ 9:40PM GMT +8
 

It’s another lonely summer night…
With the full moon shining so bright…
As I walk under every city light…
I dream of the day when we can walk together side by side…

 

Feeling the cobblestone right underneath our feet…
With cars honking in this busy street…
And cats crying in the distance as if they were singing to a rhythmic beat…
With our hands together and our hearts following the same rhythmic beat…

 

Resting for a moment sitting in a bench found in this city’s maze…
Gazing at the full moon while we hold each other in a sweet embrace…
Looking at each other intently with a passionate gaze…
Kissing while our hearts beat hastily as if it were in a race…

 

And then after our night together when it’s about time to go home…
I wish upon a star to hold time’s phone…
So I can spend more time with you alone…
And hear more of your voice’s lovely and gentle tone…

 

Then by your door before we part…
One final hug and kiss from the heart…
I love you and goodbye for now my darling sweetheart…
Seeing you again will be my tomorrow’s favorite part…

 

I dream of our love to be…
Hot and passionate, burning like the flames of scorching Fire…
With feelings gushing like a torrent of tidal Water…
With resolve that is firm as rich Earth…
With the bond between us that is strong as sturdy Metal…
With loyalty as smooth as the feel of oak Wood…

 

These are the thoughts in my mind tonight…
As I gaze at the full moon’s light…
As I walk slowly under every lamp post and city light…
In this lonely summer night…

 

"Sentiments under the City Lights..."

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Thanks to everyone from the Promising Poets Poetry Cafe for this honor!
Here was the entry to which I got nominated: Beyond Silent Wars.
I nominate Magdalena Herman!

Here is my Haiku under the award for accepting this award:

The Perfect Poet Award 4: Poets Rally Week 41


Cherry Blossom Bliss
A Haiku for the Perfect Poet Award
By: Julian Javier
Date: April 21, 2011 @ 12:43AM GMT +8


Carried by the wind..
cherry blossoms are perfect…
Soothing, Relaxing…

 

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