Julian Javier’s Original Chuck Norris Facts LOL
Made up facts about Chuck Norris
By: Julian Javier A.K.A. The Cyber Mushroom
Date: February 15, 2011 @ 3:32PM
Planets going roundabouts the Sun:
The moon’s revolution around earth is also caused by Chuck Norris. In the beginning the moon, the earth and the other planets was just on a state of uniform motion and was only on that position not moving. permanently. Before Chuck Norris reached earth to start his career in hollywood, He practiced his infamous roundhouse kicking ability with the other planets and all other things that we now know revolves around the sun. thus causing everything to revolve around the sun. And thus, causing the Phenomena we now call Eclipse and the concept we now call Time, Month, Day, and Year.
Plutonian Angle of Revolution:
With Pluto’s position, being the only planet revolving around the sun at a different angle than the other planets, it is because that when Chuck Norris arrived in Pluto, Steven Seagal was already there and Steven Seagal kick Pluto from the bottom side. Pluto was originally revolving around the Sun in a vertical angle. Chuck Norris only tried to correct this anomally started by Steven Seagal by roundhouse kicking the planet on its side. Thus, making it revolve around the sun with same manner as the other planets, only in a weird angle, because Chuck Norris arrived after Steven Seagal.
Earth’s Tilted Position:
do you know why the earth’s position is tilted from its axis?
the answer also lies with chuck norris. because chuck norris roundhouse kicked the north pole when he was practicing his infamous roundhouse. now chuck norris noticed the error he had made and tried to correct it by round house kicking the south pole. but to chuck norris’ dismay, he kicked it in the wrong side, thus causing the earth’s current tilted position and just decided that its much better. Thus, the earth’s current tilted position.
Life on Earth:
they say Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there. In factotum, Chuck Norris has already been through all other planets that’s why there are no signs of life anywhere. isn’t it obvious? there are 9 planets originally, the last one deemed as a moon and only the earth has life in it. Chuck Norris practiced and perfected his infamous earthshaking roundhouse kicking ability on the other planets. Roundhouse kicking each life form until he perfected it. thus, causing the other lifeform’s extinction.
when chuck norris does a jump rope exercise, the earth’s revolution is affected thus causing the phenomena of leap year. for when he jumps on the adjacent side of the earth’s revolution the earth revolves faster than usual vice versa if he is on the side of the earth’s way. Thus, the phenomena called Leap Year because it was caused by chuck norris leaping.
Long Day; Short Night / Long Night; Short Day Phenomena:
when chuck norris walks… he is not the one who moves at a pace, but the earth moving at his pace. thus the phenomenon of long day short night and long night short day, because when chuck norris runs, the earth rotates faster if he is going to the direction of earth’s normal axis, vice versa when he is against its way.
Chuck Norris’ sperm has feet for roundhouse kicking. The sperm that reaches the egg is the sperm equipped with a gatling gun.
To be continued… ROFL :))